“Everything about the hospice was exactly what each of us needed” 

Maddox and Hendrix are lucky boys! They have grown up having wonderful relationships with their grandparents. When Pop Pop (their maternal grandfather) went into hospital for open heart surgery, VRH was operating with COVID protocols so for months the boys’ heard updates about their beloved grandfather, but they could not visit him. They felt the effects of this and so did their grandfather. Motivated largely by the love of his grandchildren after five months and many setbacks, Pop Pop was discharged from hospital and returned home. Sadly, celebratory feelings Maddox and Hendrix had knowing that Pop Pop was out of hospital were tempered by concern for Nanny Mary Lou ( their paternal grandmother) who was now facing her own health issues with life threatening cancer.

Nanny Mary Lou used to drive past Maddox and Hendrix’ house on her way home from town. The family liked seeing this as it provided them with a quick connection signaling that all was well.  Growing up the boys associated Nanny Mary Lou with Timbits, a favorite treat that she often brought them. The boys looked forward to “date nights” when their parents went out and Nanny Mary Lou came to spend time with them. Christmas was Nanny Mary Lou’s birthday, and she would celebrate each year by joining the boys and their parents for the whole day.

While Pop Pop was adjusting to being at home again it was clear that Nanny Mary Lou needed more care than she could access at home. Despite this she remained adamant that she could not leave her home as she would be abandoning her special friend, her dog, Lily who had been her companion for fourteen years and was with her when her husband died. After two visits to the hospital for pain management Mary Lou knew that she could no longer live on her own managing stage four kidney cancer. With the support of her family she explored all options including MAID. In discussing the right fit for her care, pain management and keeping Lily in her life a physician suggested that Valley Hospice might be what she was looking for.

When Mary Lou learned that Lily could visit her at the hospice if a family member was there to be responsible for her, she agreed to take a bed when it became available. When the phone call came from the hospice it was an invitation to the whole family to come in. They were assured that the hospice was there for all of them including Maddox and Hendrix. The family was greeted by all care providers with open arms, this was the beginning of caring that the family had never experienced before. Mary Lou reflected this in the peace and calm that came over her as well.

The staff of the hospice did everything possible to make Mary Lou and her family comfortable. One day when they arrived to visit Mary Lou, her family found her propped up with twelve pillows to relieve pain and maximize comfort. While this made everyone giggle it also represented the degree of personalized care she was receiving.

Maddox and Hendrix could visit Nanny Mary Lou as they wished and when they were not with her, they often did puzzles or watched TV in the hospice common area. Sometimes they would wrap up in cozy blankets and enjoy hot chocolate and cookies baked by the hospice chef. The boys felt welcome and comfortable in this environment and May Lou did too. The ability of the hospice staff to provide Mary Lou with those things that gave her comfort and peace “meant the world” to her son and daughter-in-law.

As they grew comfortable with the hospice culture and activities the boys’ parents learned that when a resident dies, the person is wheeled out of the building through an honor guard of family, friends and care providers. One day when their mom realized that this was about to take place, she ushered the boys out of the common room and into their grandmother’s room. When Maddox and Hendrix returned to the common area one of the staff asked their mom, “what if they knew?” then stating that, “death can be beautiful…” This simple question followed by an equally simple statement opened the door for her to consider why people do shield their children from death.

The next day mom and the boys talked about death and what had happened the day before. They asked if this would be something they would experience when Nanny Mary Lou died, and they were told that they could if they wished. They talked about what that would be like and they asked their parents to wake them up so they could experience this if Mary Lou died in the night. The family was grateful to be told that should this happen Mary Lou would be left in her room until morning. When the family arrived, they could spend time with her and participate in the honor ceremony where the vehicle from the Funeral Home would meet them at the end of the Honor guard.

On the night that Mary Lou died Maddox and Hendrix were staying overnight with their other Nanny. Their parents went to the hospice and stayed with Mary Lou. At one point in their vigil, they were encouraged to take a break, but they worried that Mary Lou would die alone. They were assured that someone would always be with her. In the early morning when she did die, they were provided with the “perfect amount of privacy and support”

Maddox and Hendrixs’ parents picked them up in the morning and they drove to the hospice. As they got out of the vehicle Maddox was overcome by grief. A staff member stepped forward to help providing each boy with a pocket heart and books on grief. The family went to Mary Lou’s room to say their goodbyes and were encouraged to take all the time they needed. After participating in the honor guard, they were given the quilt from Nanny Mary Lou’s bed which they now use as comfort when they miss her.

Among the most important gifts given to this family by the caring staff at Valley Hospice was peace of mind that they could get on with their busy lives knowing that Mary Lou was being well cared for. Gone was the anxiety of having to advocate for their loved one, the loss of control that comes from not knowing, and the worry that comes from not being present. “Everything about the hospice was exactly what each of us needed”.

The boys returned to the hospice on the first anniversary of Mary Lou’s death with Timbits for the staff and a card with a dog on it.

Shawn, Melissa, Maddox and Hendrix participate in the Hike for Hospice as a “Thank You” to the hospice staff, to raise funds for the important work that happens there, to pay it forward for other families who will benefit from the love and care they experienced and finally to remember and pay tribute to their cherished Nanny Mary Lou.